Ameen Aameen Ya Rabb!

Honestly I am tired. Third year has been so different. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. Yes I do get jealous when people talks about graduation and Masters or job application. I still have a year to go (insha Allah). I feel so demotivated until at the end of the day (‘asr) I complained to Allah that I can’t go on and I need serious motivation. I told him I needed guidance so bad. I opened my Quraan randomly hoping His words will calm me down. Bam! Right there in front of me, the last page of Surah Ibrahim. Really hits me. It mentioned about how we perform our prayers just for the sake of doing it with our empty hearts. No feelings at all. Nada penghayatan. This was true and I did it quite often recently. Hati rasanya mati. No wonder what I do inda berkat. Allah thank you not giving up on me. Thank you for not replacing me.

For all these things that You had put me through and will put me through, I pray that You will always renew my strength. Even though I know You that do not burden a soul more than what it can bear, things do disappoint me, crush me, break me, hurt me and strength does slowly diminish from within me. Hence I pray You will always give me strength upon strength to face all the struggles that I am facing especially mujahadatun nafs (struggle against my own nafs) because without You, I am nothing, I am hopeless, weak and very useless. For indeed You know what is best for me and what is inside of heart, so guide me ya Rabb, ihdinas sirat al mustaqim. Amin!